I fear the loss of the love of my life,
But whenever I try to think about it,
I draw a blank.
Nothing comes up.
I do not cry?
I do not scream?
I do not fight others?
Because I cannot even imagine
A scenario that he would lose me
Or I would him.
As my upper lids meet their lower counterparts, my mind drifts off into what seems to be oblivion.
Suddenly, I am awake on my bed. I reluctantly shift my gaze to the sidetable where my smartphone lies in wait. I glance at the Always On Display, one of my favourite features on the Galaxy S7 Edge.
FUCK! I overslept. I’m going to be late for work. I leap from the bed where I lay for what felt like two seconds. Rushing to the bathroom, I quickly grab a towel and almost trip over my own clumsy feet. My boss is going to flay me alive. I pee, wash my hair, scrub my body and brush my teeth simultaneously and am done within 7 minutes. I should challenge the world record holder for Shortest From Bed To Ready For Work Time.
By the time I get out of the shower and put on some clothes, I’m already starting to sweat. I rush to start my car but I cannot find my car keys. I glance at my phone again.
I’m doomed. I nervewreckingly look for my car keys everywhere, turning the house upside down. Everything is in a mess. I almost feel like giving up. I pick up my phone and start composing a text to apologize for my tardiness.
Out of nowhere, I hear a familiar melody. It is my morning alarm. I blink twice and I am on the bed again. Dismissing it, I notice the time.
Oh, thank heavens. It was only a dream. No, a nightmare.
(I have these dreams very very often, not just in a work setting but also for appointments, for school, etc. And it always freaks me out that my dreams are that vivid and that real and that directly related to what I am supposed to do when I wake up)
I don’t get what I want by “being nice”, that is just unrealistic to say. You get what the general population wants, but it isn’t necessary what you want. The moment you give in to someone else, you lose. Game over.
Things have not been going so great as of late. Work is terrible. I really really really hate my current job. University applications are going okay, but way overdue so that’s not exactly what I’d call good. Life has been getting in the way of my happiness for the longest time. So many decisions to be made, so many aspects to consider.
One more month til I quit, then probably everything will be okay again. I’ll have more personal time, more time for family, more time for my boyfriend.
Piece of advice? What your elders said is definitely true, if you do something you don’t like for a living, you’re actually living in hell and denial. All your time will be spent at work and your time is not your own anymore. You’ll always be bound to nightmarish commitments. I’ve had trouble fall asleep, I’ve had trouble in my sleep, I’ve had trouble waking up. All because I hate my job.
I cannot wait for university to begin. Here and there I hear people say: Uni is so hard, basically got no time to enjoy. Well babes, you’ve clearly never worked in the service line before.
How ironic is it that I’m writing all this while waiting for the train to work in my uniform? That’s life for you, I guess. All I can say is, work sucks.