Vulnerability

These days I feel more vulnerable than most. Listless and bored, I have let my guard down for things I used to be defensive about. Even the minute annoyances have affected me to a greater magnitude than before.

I blame this partially on a rather soul-baring couple of months and keeping an open mind too idle for too long. I think too much about little things, and too little about bigger things. It seems I am going to be comparing extremities in this post, which is apt considering I am feeling the extremes of the emotional spectrum.

At one point, I felt inexplicably depressed. At another, I felt anger that burned hotter than hell itself. On some days I feel jubilant and cheery. On others I feel worrisome and paranoid.

Emotional imbalance, I’d say. Which is uncommon for me because I tend to have extreme control over the things I say and the things I do and the things I feel.

To those I’ve hurt, forgive me
To those I’ve annoyed, tolerate me just for a bit
To those I’ve shut out, please come back
To those who stayed, thank you
To those who love me, I love you too

I think a lot, and these day I think a lot more about being a better person. I don’t want to be so angry, so overbearing, so unnecessarily stressed out anymore. I’ll use more brain and less brawn (not that I had much of it anyway) and deal with issues with more gusto.

Dawn is breaking; A new semester. I cannot be weak, I cannot be vulnerable. I will be strong and confident and strive for righteousness.

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Author: Bryan Yap

Food enthusiast, amateur photographer & aspiring revolutionary

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