Now What?

At one point in your short life, you will think that you’ve either seen it all or you’ll never see it all.

Let me tell you something, if you are adamantly keeping to either of those two thoughts, you’re probably going to miss out the plethora of joyous moments in your life. I’m just going to give you a piece of advice. Very simple, just three words: Embrace your youth.

Personally, I would say I’ve been through hell and back. In this context, hell is a very subjective and abstract entity so you don’t get to tell me or compare with me how your hell was. Then again, I’m in a happy place now, the happiest I’ve been. Funny how Elysium and the netherworld are just so thinly separated by our own minds, no? Then you have the juxtaposition of them both, when you’re caught pondering on taking a chance or walking away.

I am ecstatic at how my life had taken its turns. I am proud of how I had dealt with and overpowered my demons. I am happy that I’ve met wonderful people and an amazing person.

So, now what?

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Fear

There’s something very unnerving about uncertainty. The possibility of something to go the way you want it to, or the complete opposite, leaves so much room for hope. However, hope does not come without doubt. The more hope you have, the bigger your doubt gets. It’s like when something is going to reveal itself, you can’t help but leap back and forth between the good and the bad. And it’s driving me insane.

But (there’s always a but), you have to take the jump anyway. Saying something to somebody, and thinking “they must think I’m psycho” happens a lot. Then again, people might just surprise you with their support, their love, their care. Not everybody is bad and negative in this world. With that, I believe that support is one of the most important things a person can get, and also one of the most important things that a person can give.

It always comes down to: I’m scared, but I’ll get through this, and I hope you’ll be there with me along the way.

Sometimes

Sometimes you think you’re not good enough, that you’re always one step behind or one step below.

Sometimes you think that someone is too good for you, that everything they do is bigger better.

But you know what?

Sometimes you’ve got to just suck it up and deal with it, overcome your insecurities and work on yourself.

Sometimes you’ve got to believe that not everyone is better, you just do it another way at your own pace.

And sometimes, if not all the time, you have to believe that you are good enough, you are worthwhile.

Maybe that’ll change something.

How I Spent New Year’s (2016)

Yes I know we’ve already entered the double digits of January but I’m going to post this anyway. New Year’s Day this year was relatively more eventful for me than the past few years, maybe because we actually did things other than lazing around at home like any other weekend.

Aunt Jeannie took us out for lunch at this Italian restaurant in Damansara Heights called La Risata. The food there was really quite good and reasonably priced to portion. We had an amazing antipasti platter, a spicy seafood tomato soup, eggplant parmigiana (my favourite dish of the day, mainly because I love eggplant and cheese and lasagna-styled food), a bombass carbonara pizza and a chill crabmeat linguine. I would recommend this place to y’all be it for a romantic date or a family meal, but skip the crabmeat linguine because it was really bad (None of us liked it so I assume that’s a good enough indicator)

Also we visited Aunt Jeannie’s new crib (I still think its a bachelorette pad but mom doesn’t want me telling her I said that oops), with floor-to-ceiling length windows surrounding two of the walls of the unit and very nice vintage decor. Lighting was on point because of the abundance of natural sunlight and so our family pictures turned out really good. So good that my mom got them printed and framed. After that we just went shopping and I got new sportswear that pray tell I use properly.

I don’t really have a New Year’s resolution this year because they never seem to follow through, but my wishes and goals are to graduate top of my class, get into med school preferably with financial assistance because let’s face it, its expensive as fuck, and to try to get into better shape before I start university, whenever that is. Cheers!

Hello

Hello there dear reader,

This is my inaugural post on this new blog. How exciting! I’m going to begin with introducing myself and the purpose of this blog.

My name is Bryan Yap and I’m currently still a student undertaking a Diploma in Medical Laboratory Technology (graduating April 2016) and will be continuing with my degree in medicine preferably later this year. I like a variety of things, some of which include photography, music, technology, medicine and science, food and I have a love-hate relationship with the idea of socialising/making new friends. I am also gay.

I created this blog as an outlet for creative writing, jotting down memories and thoughts, as well as to showcase my newfound hobby – photography. Very aptly entitled “Clarity”, the main objectives here areΒ to not only provide a clear view of my life to my readers, but also for myself to visualise my own life, because you never know what you are like until you actually reflect upon yourself.

As of this post, the blog is still under construction but I will get it up and running as soon as I possibly can! Until then, dear reader.

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Hello, it’s me.